offical Blog of the Liger

Monday, September 27, 2004


I was in a wedding this past weekend. I severely dislike the bride, but what are you going to do. I left work an hour early since I had an hour and half drive to the rehearsal and I still had to stop in Elmira and pick up my Tux. I thought the inside of the church it was in was ugly. The needed some new carpet and the pews could have used a good sanding and some new stain. The rehearsal dinner was alright. The food was good. Since my friend's mom is to smart to pay for alcohol for all of us. we had to pay for hour own drinks.

Matt: I take three Coor's lights.
Waitress: OK-starts to walk away
Matt: Wait don't you want to know what these guys want.
Waitress: Didn't you just order for them.
Matt: No, those are my three beers.

We made our way back to my friend Smallz's house. The groom, Joe, was not suppose to be drinking so Tony bought him Wine coolers. Wine coolers are the punishment we inflict on our friends when they do something stupid. It was not really exciting. We played Poker till about one in the morning. Everyone else left and Jim and I stayed up and had a few more beers. I fell asleep at about two. At five-thirty in the morning. Smallz'z three and half year old daughter came and jumped on my back and started yelling at me to get up. I tied to ignore her, but I had not understanding of the persistence of a three year old. I ended up getting up and watch Nemo with her.

I ran up my parents around 8 that morning to have some breakfast and take a quick swim in the pool. I got eat breakfast, but my father had just started to winterize the pool, so no swimming till next April. I head down to Joes house at his behest. Tony had bought him Madden 2005 for his PS2 as a wedding gift. (Did I mention that all of can not stand the bride. Of course when you give wedding gifts like this, it does not put you on her good side.) I got down there and we decided to go golfing because that is what you do on your wedding day according to Matt. The course we went to was out of the way. Joe, Smallz, and myself suck at golf. Tony and Matt are good. They shoot in the 80's. The rest of us shoot in the hundreds. The wedding was at 4. We were suppose to at the church at 3. We got off the course around 2:30. We were about a half an hour from Corning where the wedding was at. It turns out the bride was trying to call Joe all afternoon, but we had confiscated his mobile. We decided to get changed at Matt's apartment in Corning. I road with Joe. He had broken the know for the heat on his car. So the heat was stuck on full blast in his car. It was a little after 3 when we got to Matt's and all five of us needed to take another shower. At this time my Mobile and Tony's mobile were blowing up with calls from everyone wondering where we were. Since Tony and I were oppose to the wedding and had spent the day trying to convince Joe to let us take him to the fishing camp that Tony's dad owns in the North Country we decided not to answer our phones either. We told Joe that we had contact everyone to let them know we would be late, when of course we had not. The five of us did not show up till 3:45. The minister would not let anyone be seated till the ushers got there. There were a few upset people, and it did not make it any better when we tried to convince them that Joe had locked himself in a closet to avoid the wedding. So We got everyone seated in record time. The ceremony was quick. The funniest thing of the whole weekend was when they tried to get Matt to sign the marriage license. Matt just graduated from Albany Law. He said that if they ever got a divorce he could not represent Joe if he signed, so he refused. I almost died laughing. The minister and the Bride did not find it amusing as I did for some reason. Tony ended up signing it.

The pictures took forever as they always do. It was off the rehearsal. I think we finally got sat down around 7. None of us guys had eaten anything all day and we were all starving. After we sat down, they had Matt give his best-man speech. He did a good job, but some us wonder where he was going with it when he repeated Joe's most famous words.

Matt: "We sat there on porch after a long night of drinking and Joe said his most profound statement 'I love women, not one women, all women'."

a audible gasp over the crowd

Matt: "I guess he found one women." rolls eyes.

The reception it self was pretty good. I personally accomplished a goal. That was to get the Clone's girlfriends mobile #. He has successfully kept it from us for two years. The reason we needed it was to that we could make late night calls to her to let her know Clone was up to no good. The whole night came to a crashing end when at 12:30 in the morning Tony kicked over a stand-up ashtray sending butts and sand flying everywhere. The bride came out to yell at Tony after the hotel counter person said something to here. Tony promptly started to do a jig in the sand. Tony can be the nicest guy in the world, but once he gets drinking, he becomes another person. We decided to leave since we were not staying at the hotel. Tony, Matt, Matt's girlfriend and I headed off to his apartment. He stopped to get an 18 pack. We stayed up to about 4 drinking and playing Madden. Tony made a call to the bride mobile and told her the she was a ******* ***** and that Joe's friends all hated her. This is not the kind of message you want the morning after your wedding night. Joe called at 7 the next morning because I had his keys. He make his cousin get up and drive over and get them. I got a ride to my truck with his cousin. I headed home to my parents. I had not planned on returning to the GBA till this morning but the Tux's had to be back by 6 Sunday. So since I was the only one who was headed in the direction. I got to carry the tux's back and thus returned home to the GBA early Sunday afternoon. One thing that was kind of distressing about the weekend is my parents total believe that I will never get married. My friend Ben and his girlfriend sat behind my parents during the wedding ceremony and my mother made the comment to him that she was glad I was in the wedding because this was the closest I would come to getting married. Honestly, I would like to get married someday. I am not even close to being ready. I am free to get married. Nine years ago Smallz, Joe, Jeff, and myself put $50 each into a pot to see who would be the last hold out from getting married. Smallz and Joe's mom put into a bank account. I got the account information from her Sunday. I have yet to go the bank and collect though. I wonder how much is there.